Stand Your Ground

by Susan Guzman

A few nights ago my ex came by to visit my daughter.  I was in the kitchen listening to a conversation he was having with our 18 year old daughter.  It began by him saying that he felt sorry for the poor slob who ends up with her because our daughter can be one tough cookie when she wants to be.  He then preceded to say, good, give  him hell, don't take any shit from him.  Make sure you say what you want and you get it, or leave his ass.

For some reason, for many reasons I felt like he was talking to me or about me.  It also told me that for all the years I put up with his shit and abuse, he lost respect for me because I did just that.  I know I was an asshole for putting up with him for so long, but to hear the man telling his daughter to never take shit from any man was like a kick in the stomach.  More like a wake up call that I should never allow any man to ever manipulate me, and make me miserable and me allow him to do so.  I feel bad.  I feel really bad.  First of all that I put up with it, and second of all because to him I looked like a  helpless pathetic wimp who had no self respect and self love who allow such craziness to go on for so long.  Well I could go on and on about this topic and maybe I will touch on it again, but for now know that those few quick sentences were such an eyeopener to me.  I now know how it looks through the eyes of the person dishing out the shit, and it looks like an ugly picture to me.

Here's the article.  Feel free to comment.  http://www.agoracosmopolitan.com/news/dating/2011/10/05/978.html

Dealing with the EX

by Susan Guzman

Boy I have come across the article about 9 months too late.  I knew it was an issue and I felt it in my gut, but instead of following my own instincts and what my body was trying to warn me of, I listened to the man who I thought I could trust and believe in.  I wanted to trust and believe in him so I ignored my feelings and went with his words.  Well let me tell you what that decision got me.  Nothing because in the end he ran back to the ex and never looked back.  If it walks like a duck, believe me, it's a duck.

Good readhttp://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Dealing-with-ghosts-of-partners-exes/articleshow/10267695.cms

The LOVE Guru

by Susan Guzman

Well how desperate can you get?  Apparently some get really desperate.  Please God, never fall that far into the dating trap.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2045745/Could-wild-weekend-love-guru-help-YOU-ideal-man.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

30 Dates in 30 Days

by Susan Guzman

How lucky can you get?  Well for me I am not having that kind of luck.  This was for research for a book being written and yes it has a happy ending, but the 30 days were anything but happy.  At least from my interpretation.

http://www.edenfantasys.com/sexis/body/rkb-hate-dating-like-relationships-1005111/

BAD Girls Get the GOOD Guys

by Susan Guzman

I always believed the title to be true.  Usually you see a bitch of a girl with the nicest guy.  She's a bitch and the bitchy she is the nicer he gets.  How come that never worked for me?  I was became a bitch, there was hell to be paid.  My life would be even more miserable than it was before.

I found this to strike a cord with me, maybe it does with you too.

http://www.blogher.com/bad-girls-get-all-guys?wrap=blogher-topics/love-sex/dating&crumb=32412

Good Advice When Meeting Men

by Susan Guzman

I can related to the question being thrown out there.  I also like the answer to the question.  I think it is good solid advice and to certainly pay attention to what is being said.  My interruption is you make the rules.  You set the tone, and just go with it with confidence and dignity.  I like the advice.

http://www.thestar.com/article/1060411--ellie-s-advice-take-time-to-develop-mutual-trust-before-considering-romance

SEX After How Many DATES?? ONE You Say??

by Susan Guzman

Well the first time out it is not a date, but a meeting.  Almost like a job interview so that meeting does not count as an actual date, but what about the 2nd meeting?  What exactly are guys and gals actually looking for by the 2nd date?  What are they looking for from the first date?  The times are changing, and if that's the case I don't believe this gal will be changing with the times.  Some things are better left as is.  This is one of those time for me.  http://thelinkpaper.ca/?p=10574

The Breakup 7 Steps to be a Positive Confident Woman

by Susan Guzman

When my last breakup occurred I was so hurt and angry and confused.  I thought he really loved me, and I thought it was the beginning to a beautiful future.  I had no idea it would end just as suddenly as it began.  There was absolutely no contact.  I basically sent the last text saying how angry I was for the way things were handled and told him not to respond because nothing he said would make it better.

He listened to me and never responded and I never contacted him again.  It's been 9 months since that last text and I went through many changes since then, but I have to say I am very proud in how I handled myself.  I said no more talk, and I meant it and I never tried to reach out to him again to talk and try to find closure.  I wanted to believe me, but with the good advice of some dear friends, I stood my ground and never communicated again.  In the end I would say I made the right choice.  In the end I can also honestly say that many of the 7 Steps to  a Positive Confident Woman are many of the steps I took for myself in the last 9 months since our breakup.  Let me be the first to say that they truly helped me move past the hurt and anger and focus on myself and the things that make me happy.  I am a better person for having had that breakup.  You see all things really do happen for a reason, but at the time they are happening we are just too busy focusing on the hurt and pain to get the big picture.  So glad I finally got the big picture.  Here's the article  http://lifestyle.myjoyonline.com/pages/relationships/201109/73480.php

Cyber Dating, Smart Phones, Text Messaging

by Susan Guzman

This is so crazy, in my last post I was talking about someone I met online and how he texted me everyday to have a nice day, I hope your day is going well, and I hope you day went well.  We only spoke once on the phone and it was because I wasn't too eager to have phone conversation  with him.  In my last post, I said how I know I will not be expecting to hear from him again, and that the communication will probably just end.  Then I was thinking that for the next new guy I am meeting this week I wanted to make a pact with him and say that no matter what, whether we like each other and would like to see each other again, or that we were very nice but I just don't think you are for me text, I wanted to at least receive a text either way.  Just so that I know, and there are no guessing games attached to our meeting.  Let's just see if we can learn to be brutally honest with one another, whether we hurt each other's feelings or not.

Of course, I haven't mentioned this to him yet, but I was planning to bring it up next week when we meet.  Anyway, I come across this article posted below that talks just about the fact that smartphones make it easy to break up with someone without actually having to confront them, and also how differently we communicate in today's world.  Here's the article.  Feel free to comment  http://nine-to-five.whereilive.com.au/news/story/new-surveys-show-mobile-dating-now-important-than-ever/

My First Meeting with A Guy From ONLINE Dating Website

by Susan Guzman

Well I finally took the plunge.  I met a guy online who seemed very nice.  He was a little bit too much into texting me to have a nice day just about everyday, but I could live with it even though it was beginning to creep me out.

I know I must be a little crazy too though.  If a guy rarely calls me it's bad, if he calls too often, that's bad too.  I know the guys must get confused because I get confuse and I am the one making up the rules.

So the story continues that I finally after 1 month of texting and one short phone conversation, I decide to give the man the opportunity to meet me for one drink in a two hour time limit at a little Irish Pub in New York City.

Honestly, he was nice enough.  He was a gentlemen and I just knew he would be waiting there for me.  He was very attentive and was always polite and reliable too.  That was big, he was reliable.  So he was sitting at the bar reading the newspaper when I walked in last Saturday early evening.  We shook hands and kissed on the cheek, and at first it was awkward.  I sat down and he ordered me a glass of wine and started in on  how my day has been going.  The conversation was nice and easy, and there were only a few times where there was some awkward silence, but then one of us would come to the rescue with something to say.

He walked me to my train, and he said he would like to see me again.  I said that would be nice.  Again we shook hands and then gave a peck on the cheek and I ran off into a crowded train station.  He texted me again to say he was glad to finally meet me and would like to see me again sometimes.  I said yes me too.

During the week he texted me to say that the weekend was going to be beautiful weather and what would I think of taking a ride with him to a quaint town with lots of shops to walk around.  He said it was an hour from him and that he would drive, and it would be fun.  I asked for when and he said this weekend.  I think that was Wednesday.  I told him I would let him know because I had some other things to do this weekend.  He seemed put off.  When I texted him the next night I said I would not be able to get away.  He said no problem, and I texted back thanks for the invite and have a great night.  He responded you too.

I know that he has given up on me.  I had been blowing him off since we first connected.  Not really purposely, its just that I do have a lot of things planned.  I basically always am busy on the weekend and its better for me like that because I would rather be busy than not.  That's when I think and over think things which is never good.

Well I may have tossed him away with my I don't give a shit attitude, but I have another lined up for this week who is 14 years my junior.  He is very cute, and I think sexy from the pictures I have seen, and I am very much looking forward to our meeting, unlike this past meeting I had.  So for the new guy for this coming week.....stay tuned.....

Dating Without Drama

by Susan Guzman

I know that there is always going to be some type of drama in our lives.  Either it will just come to just by other people who are in our lives, and sometimes we thrive on drama and attract it into our lives and our relationships.  But if you are tired of the drama, if you feel that you have finally grown up enough to not want to have that constant drama in your life then the following article offers us very good sound advice.  I encourage you to read it, take the advice to heart and start living it in your own life.  It seems to me that it is a very rewarding way of living, and when you do finally meet your perfect mate, you would have attracted that mate not based on old patterns and behavior, but on new healthier behavior so both of you can just enjoy the company of each other and have interests that you both can share together.  It's also important to have your own interests separate from one another and maintain a healthy balance of togetherness and independence.  That's just my opinion.  Read the article below for more helpful tips on a drama free dating experience.  http://www.hotmommagossip.com/2011/09/10/dating-without-drama/

Finally an Uplifting Story with a Happy Dating Ending

by Susan Guzman

Just when I have read all the horror stories of online dating, and relationships in general I come across this piece which is inspirational, uplifting, adds hope and wonderful advice to all those out there "Looking for Love"  Read and be positive.  It will find you.  http://westhartford.patch.com/articles/date-doctor-thinks-everyone-can-find-love

Another View on Online Dating Websites

by Susan Guzman

I am fixated on this online dating game.  I have been on one website for about 7 months already, and have not met one man who I felt was worthy enough to take to the next level.  I honestly don't even know if I am serious about meeting a man and dating.  I do know that if I met a man by chance, say at a social gathering and I was physically attracted to him I would give him my number and go out for a drink or coffee with him to get to know him better, but yet I am very apprehensive to giving out my number and initiating any type of outside contact with these men other than just communicating through the dating website.  Am I paranoid that everyone is out to get me?  Yes, probably.  Is that a correct assumption?  Perhaps not, but from reading the article below I realize I fall into the category of really not being serious and for me it's more about experimenting with the idea of dating.  Read below.http://www.usustatesman.com/finding-a-soul-mate-in-cyberspace-1.2629954

Customizing Online Dating Websites...Finding Your Niche in Dating

by Susan Guzman

Okay, just when you begin feeling comfortable with online dating websites, you are  now introduced to online sites that are geared to a particular niche of dating.  Geared to those who are interested in sports, outdoors, religions, music, occupation.  and sites based purely on what people are looking for in a relationship - whether that be casual, long term or just for the night – just to name a few.
Although popular, mainstream sites like Match.com and e-Harmony are more about quantity, these sites are geared more towards quality.  http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/dating/profiles/dating-advice-the-choice-effect-2357847.html

SEX on the FIRST DATE????

by Susan Guzman

I don't believe in it.  I believe that if a man thinks you are worthy he will wait as long as you are willing to let him wait without running the risk of losing him.  My theory is, if you lose him because you made him wait, he wasn't worth waiting for.  My belief, my opinion, not necessarily correct.  You decide.  Comments welcome!http://www.marieclaire.co.uk/news/world/531229/sex-on-the-first-date-is-no-longer-a-dating-faux-pas.html

I Met A Man on a Dating Website

By Susan Guzman

So I meet this man on OK Cupid dating website.  He's the first guy who seems a little decent that maybe I can trust to take the first step and give my cell phone number to.  Well actually  he gives me his, and I text him to allow him to have mine.  The first night we speak he seems so very nice.  The next morning he texts me to say good morning have a lovely day.  I respond with the same.  We discuss the prospect of meeting with no definite plans.  As the week progresses he is texting me daily which starts to make me a bit nervous.  We haven't even met yet and he is texting me daily and wanted me to call him when I got home at night.  I didn't call.  After 5 days of corresponding here and there, he calls me Friday night, and legitimately I didn't see or hear the phone and when I did see I missed his call I was a little busy to return the call at that moment.  Exactly one hour after the missed call I received a text from him saying he tried to call me but I didn't answer.  I text him back and just had this feeling of suffocation so I preceed to tell him that my friends pushed me into this online dating thing and that I was beginning to get cold feet and wasn't sure I wanted to get into a relationship at this point.  He said he understood and I haven't heard back from him.  Was he a decent guy?  Perhaps.  Did I get the feeling he was being a little too aggessive even before our first meeting?  Yes.  My instincts told me to back off, and for the first time in my entire life, I went with my gut instincts.  I don't know if they were right or wrong but it just felt right.  Then I come across this article regarding scammers on these dating websites and I thought I would share it with you.  Thoughts and comments as always are welcome.  http://www.sbwire.com/press-releases/avoiding/dating-scammers/sbwire-106657.htm

Good SEX at Any Age

I just came across this article about sexual satisfaction and how good sex in linked to happiness and a better quality of life.  So this gets me thinking about another reason why it's necessary to get out there and begin the dating process, find my mate, and improve my quality of life.  In reading the article it explains how women in the 60s and into their 70s and 80s are experiencing a active sexual lifestyle, although the percentages do go down as their age goes up, but still.  Read the article and feel free to comment.http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/good-sex-equals-good-living-20110826-1jd99.html

Things Women Need to Know About Men

WOW!  This article is an eye opener for me.  Friends with Benefits does not work unless you don't mind having your heart broken, and losing a friend to boot.  The article is short, but very powerful in regards to men who are dating you for one reason (sex) and no matter how long you hold out before giving in whether it be 5 hours or 5 weeks, once you do they are going to bolt.  It's not your fault ladies.  These men come on powerfully strong.  They make you think they are crazy about you, but really they are with you for one reason and one reason only.  The think I want to know is how you recognize these types of men before you start stripping down because you think you have found the one????  Anyone, everyone???  Please if you are out there with the answer to the question, inquiring minds NEED to Know.
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/blogs/ask-sam/things-women-should-know-20110831-1jkyh.html

New York City Dating Trends According to Match.Com

Now here's an interesting article for anyone interested in online dating.  This article covers the best places to go on your first date, the desired boroughs couples are willing to travel to, and the best industries.

Funny, but when I was dating someone from New Jersey he told me that his roommate called me a GUD.  GUD stands for Geographically Undesirable DATE.  Was that why he ditched me for his Ex Wife?  I am still trying to wrap my head around that one.  Anyway, he's the article.  Match.com Reveals Dating Trends http://www.sacbee.com/2011/08/31/3874407/matchcom-reveals-dating-trends.html

So I am Not the Only One Who Things Online Dating is Unnatural

By Susan Guzman

A few posts back I was talking about meeting men online and I mentioned that I felt that this entire internet dating scene feels very unnatural to me.  I want to meet a man the good old fashion way, by a chance meeting.  Like fate brings us together.  It's what was meant to be, two people being in the right place at the right time who are meant for each other.  I feel that online dating is a forced meeting.  It's not natural.  It's not fate bringing us together, it's two people desperately seeking out companionship and love, and because they have exhausted all other avenues, they turn to internet dating as the last resort.  Again, I am going to repeat myself that this is just MY OPINION of what I think about internet dating.  There are proven statistics out there of couples who have met online who have gone on to get married, have children and live happily ever after.  Maybe it's my age, my upbringing, or that when I was in the stages of dating back in the 70s and 80s there weren't computers and there certainly was no such thing as internet dating, or online dating or whatever you choose to call it.

So I bring to you an opinion of someone who also feels that it is an unnatural process of meeting your sou mate.  Open mind, open mind, that is what I keep telling myself, but yet I think truthfully I am cut off from internet dating.

Read the article and let me know what your feelings are.  I am so open to hear the opinions of others.  Feeling Blah about internet datinghttp://www.boston.com/lifestyle/relationships/blog/2011/08/feeling_blah_about_internet_da.html